About a week ago I managed to graduate college, and although many people think that means moving on to greater and better things, that’s pry far from the truth.
I’m proud of myself and my accomplishments, don’t get me wrong, but I’ve found myself plopped back right where I was four years ago with only a few changes. I had to move back into my mom’s house, I’m looking for a job, I have no income, and I sit home all day getting bored even though I have a long long long list of things to do. Although I’m looking for jobs and apartments and I actually have a chance to relax I’m really restless and I find myself wondering if I’ll ever get out of this house. After four years, a few thousand dollars, endless amounts of coffee, a few all nighters, and too many moments where I wondered what I was doing with my life I’m back in the same place with the same people, wondering what I’m doing with my life.
So in the last week of living with my mother, brother, and two pets in my childhood home here are some things that I’ve learned.
The first thing that I learned very quickly is that I needed to downsize and get rid of a lot of stuff. Although I hauled about eight bags to donations before I moved there is still more stuff here that I need to get rid of. I also have found that I need to go through my room, since it’s been left untouched for almost three years and really could use a good cleaning.
Although there are a lot of memories in that room that I don’t want to lose, I need to go through and make sure that what I’m keeping are actual memories that mean something and not just things that I don’t want to let go. One of these things is a hat that I got in high school from a party. I don’t think I have ever actually worn the thing, but I keep it because it’s cute and reminds me of that time in my life. I’m honestly pry going to get rid of it, because I have pictures and scrapbooks from that time to help me remember and I’m still friends with those people so old stories come up often.
The second thing that I learned is that communication is key, and designating a spot for yourself to go to get out of an argument/situation or to just get away from everyone is a must. For me that’s just going outside on our deck or front step. My mom is able to see me in both of those places, but she sees me writing, talking on the phone, or reading. This means that she sees that I’m busy/preoccupied so she won’t come bother me unless it’s necessary, which means that I get some time alone to breath and just think when the house gets noisy or chaotic.
Just to clarify this isn’t a knock against anyone that I live with. I’m an introvert, which for me can mean that being with people all of the time can drive me up a wall if we can’t just sit and be quiet. My mom is sort of the opposite, she loves to talk with my brother and I when we’re around which isn’t a bad thing by any means. For me, though, since I don’t feel like I can politely tell my mom to please be quiet and just let me be it means that I have to choose to remove myself from that room. Once again this isn’t anything against my mom or saying that she’s wrong or something, it just means that we’re different people and that’s OK.
The last thing that I’ve learned is that you don’t have to like your family, but you have to love them.
This isn’t anything new, this phrase actually came up a lot of me in high school but is really relevant in my life now. I don’t have to like anyone in my family, and with the amount of times I’ve wanted to hurt my brother or kick him out this week will attest to that. At the end of the day I still love him and I’m happy to hear when his car pulls up and he’s home safe. You can have as many arguments, as many fights, or as many screaming sessions as you want but you still have to love each other.
I know that this is hard, but when you live anywhere with three people you WILL NOT agree on everything, and especially when it’s with your family you have to fix the issue. When you live with family you have to love them because most of the time they aren’t going anywhere and you still have to live with the.
The last week has been hard, and has been one hell of an adjustment, but with some really good communication and a little bit of help from everyone involved I know that this will all work out and be fine.
I’ve learned a lot more in the last week than is in this post, so watch out for more on this topic in the future. (And if you’re moving in with your family again leave a question down below and it might turn into a post.)
I’ll see you soon,